Prayer! I meant prayer, obviously.
I’m sure there are a million books and a trillion blog posts about it, but sometimes you just feel like no one in the world understands what you’re feeling…even though in fact, most of the world has felt exactly that at one point or another. I’m writing this anyway!
I’ve been a Christian for a long time, over twenty years. Like any long-term relationship, God and I, we’ve had our ups and downs. There have been days/weeks/months on end of total bliss, and unfortunately just as many days/weeks/months rife with discourse. I’m proud (and thankful) that we’ve stuck it out this far.
There are two illustrations I can share to help you wrap your head about the state of our relationship right now.
(1) Writers Block
As a writer/blogger, we’ve all faced those times. You eagerly run to your computer, your brain busting at the seams with ideas, only to have nothing come out when it’s time to actually put pen to paper.
It’s so frustrating!
Where did all those brilliant thoughts run off to? Why can’t I put into words everything that was just running through my mind? How did I forget everything I was so excited to write about a few minutes ago?
(2) Old Friends
I’m the first to admit that I am pretty terrible at keeping in touch with even my closest friends. I always intend to, but you know, life.
With really special friends, it’s not always a big deal – you know, the ones you can always pick up right where you left off with. But in my life there have been other friendships that just don’t work that way.
There are friends you have knowingly blown off or forgotten to call back just one too many times. You dread running into them because you’re not sure what to say at this point.
Do you get where I’m going here?
I’d like to think (and in another way I know) God is always there and excited to hear from me, even when I’ve blown him off a few too many times. But, like when you pick up the phone to call your estranged friend or when you sit down to write the next great American novel…nothing.
So, then what?
Just keep talking.
I won’t lie to you. My prayer on the bus this morning started out with a mighty awkward, “So, um, hi, good morning…”
What. The. Heck.
This is LITERALLY God I’m talking to, and I came out of the gate with that?! I am often so eager to get home and talk about the most mundane things with my husband, but my mind draws a complete blank when dealing with God?
But, just like that initial phone conversation with the friend and just like when you’re staring at a blank Word document, it passes.
As long as I force myself through the ums and ers, eventually words come. And not only do they come, if I keep at it enough they flood right out.
Consider that the push you needed, the word of encouragement that gets you to press on through the initial awkwardness. Because, really, if any relationship is worth it, it’s the one between you and God.
So, where were we? Ah, yes. So, um, hi…